Category Archives: Recipes

Shrimp Scampi with Linguine

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This recipe is a best friend.  No matter where you are, how you feel or who is there, you know you guys will always be best friends and that things will turn out okay.  That’s what Shrimp Scampi with Linguine is- your best friend.  I made it once, committed the recipe to memory, and will make it on the regs ‘til I die.

Shrimp Scampi with Linguine

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{Whole foods on P street out of flat leaf parlsey… really effed me guys}

You hardly need anything for this recipe.  Have the butter/oil ready to go in the pan.  Pre-cut the parsley and garlic.  Pre-zest/juice/cut the lemons.  There.  Now when your friends come, this will literally come together in min, no max, 10 minutes and you will look like some sort of wizard.  The only expensive ingredient is the shrimp so I don’t want to hear any bitching as if this meal is unattainable  you.  Also- buy the shrimp peeled and deveined (unless you want to pull the intestine of the shrimp out yourself- yeah that’s what that black line is that they “devein”…mmmm).

So math was my jam during my K-12 years and it has served me well in grocery store adventures.  When you go to your fishmonger/whole foods (those are your options) to get your shrimp there will be different sizes. Here’s how this works and skip this if you don’t care/find it boring/suck:

Shrimp Count What this means
21-25 There are no less than 21 and no more than 25 shrimp per pound of this size shrimp.  The average amount of shrimp per pound should be 23. These are called “jumbo” shrimp.
16-20 There are no less than 16 and no more than 20 shrimp per pound of this size shrimp.  The average amount of shrimp per pound should be 18.  These are called “extra jumbo” shrimp.  This is my go to size and what I use for the Shrimp Scampi with Linguine.
U15 There are less than 15 shrimp per pound.  The average amount of shrimp per pound should be 14.  These are called colossal shrimp (yeah that seems contradictory but whatevs I didn’t pick the names).

K do you get the idea? As the count size goes down the shrimp size goes up.  Let’s be real, you can just pick some grab bag shrimp and it will be fine but don’t you feel better about yourself as a person now?

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Day Old Bread

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So Panera is… not good.  Every time I walk in my stomach just goes, “whyyyyyyy???”.

For some reason, all working people think that this is the place where they have to eat lunch always.  I have more thoughts on the topic but we could be here all day, so moving on…

Panera does some philanthropic stuff.  It’s not going to make up for the bullshit salad they served me yesterday, but that’s not the point . The point is that the slogan I saw for this “philanthropic” deal Panera has going reads (roughly) as follows:

“Panera’s Christmas wish: May no one have to eat day old bread”.

WHAT? That line is more food pretentious than all of my blog posts combined. So no one has to experience day old bread? Do you know how many people could use some day old bread? Children in third world countries all the way to my cousin attending Arizona State would rejoice in such a gift.

You know who else is into day old bread? Me.  And Tyler Florence.  And that’s why we are making bread pudding bitches.

Brioche and Berry Bread Pudding with Lemon Fondant

bread pudding

Take your DAY OLD (oh the horror) bread and soak it in a custard with some berries.  You can bake this in a big dish and share, or, if you made it for one when you were chillin’ the most one day by yourself at the apartment, you can put it in an individual ramekin like I did.  Enjoy.

*White Trash Option: Apparently Panera will think this whole recipe is white trash so….