So Panera is… not good.  Every time I walk in my stomach just goes, “whyyyyyyy???”.

For some reason, all working people think that this is the place where they have to eat lunch always.  I have more thoughts on the topic but we could be here all day, so moving on…

Panera does some philanthropic stuff.  It’s not going to make up for the bullshit salad they served me yesterday, but that’s not the point . The point is that the slogan I saw for this “philanthropic” deal Panera has going reads (roughly) as follows:

“Panera’s Christmas wish: May no one have to eat day old bread”.

WHAT? That line is more food pretentious than all of my blog posts combined. So no one has to experience day old bread? Do you know how many people could use some day old bread? Children in third world countries all the way to my cousin attending Arizona State would rejoice in such a gift.

You know who else is into day old bread? Me.  And Tyler Florence.  And that’s why we are making bread pudding bitches.

Brioche and Berry Bread Pudding with Lemon Fondant

Take your DAY OLD (oh the horror) bread and soak it in a custard with some berries.  You can bake this in a big dish and share, or, if you made it for one when you were chillin’ the most one day by yourself at the apartment, you can put it in an individual ramekin like I did.  Enjoy.

*White Trash Option: Apparently Panera will think this whole recipe is white trash so….

A lot of people take Thursday night as a weekend warm-up and go marching down 14th street in search of drinks on drinks. We elected to stay in and make Olive Oil Muffins.

Olive Oil Muffins

And these are true muffins.  The world seems to have this condition where it thinks anything can be dubbed a “muffin” in order to eat cake for breakfast.  Sandra Lee (world’s worst woman) has a recipe for “Cherry Cheesecake Muffins”.  The chick from the show Hungry Girl makes “Brownie Muffins”.  Hmm that’s weird.. those sound like something I know.  It’s called dessert.  If someone approaches you with an item that looks like it came out of Georgetown Cupcake: back away… grab some cereal… and eat that thing sometime after 10:00 am.

Here is what you will need (the Champagne is for drinking):

Wait? Where is the butter? That’s right. These are Olive Oil muffins. There is no butter. Somewhere, Paula Deen is crying. That doesn’t mean these are savory muffins, it just means we’re using a different ingredient to make these overly caloric.

Olive Oils can be on the fruity side and since this recipe has all the world’s lemon/orange zest, we knew it would be a winner.

There is also balsamic vinegar in this recipe. I felt a little weird about putting it in but let’s be real, I’ve done weirder things.

For a lot of baking recipes, things go down the biscuit way. That’s when you are cutting the fat into the dry ingredients to make it flaky and delish. In the muffin way, you want to mix the ingredients until they are just combined. You need to treat the batter like a lady otherwise your muffins are going to have the texture of a nail file.

Here is the batter when just combined.

If you are having a minor seizure because you still see flour in the batter…calm down. It’s supposed to look that way (plus you’ll have another chance to stir when you crush in the almonds).

Alright, ladle up and get the muffins in the oven.

Then spend the next 10 minutes licking the bowl bone-dry like we did.

The worst part of this recipe is waiting for them to cool before you can sprinkle them with powdered sugar.

You have to wait 15 minutes and these will inevitably be the longest 15 minutes of your life.

But…

WORTH. IT.

{Salivation Status}

Kelsey and I had an amazing Christmas break. We hated being away from the Kastle and all that our life here entails but loved the time at home. There were several highlights from our time at home- one being a stop by my girlfriend’s house on Christmas Day. I step into the comforts of her home and what do I see? A cake clearly from a box sitting on the counter. Pre-made frosting and all.

I mean… you know I was upset.  I wouldn’t use store bought mix in an I’m-sorry-your-boyfriend-dumped-you-cake for a distant friend…. let alone for Christmas Day.  I started to wonder if Betty Crocker had come before or after me on the invite list and decided I would need a baking cleanse.

This is how I landed on a Fig and Almond Tart:

Fig and Almond Tart

This tart has all things good:

1.) Figs- they made the cut for the Bible itself and rightfully so.

2.) Cheese- let’s be real I’ll take cheese any way I can get it.

3.) Marzipan- became addicted to this stuff during my Germany trip and I’m so not pissed it is in this tart.

4.) Carbs- well now I’m just sold.

Now pretty much no guy (besides my father – greatest man on Earth – and fan of all things fig) wants a fig tart, so I recommend making this for your mom or girlfriends.

BUT SHOOT! FIGS ARE NOT IN SEASON! Why do I live in a black hole that is sans figs for the majority of the year?!

Thank goodness there is a lollipop-shaped woman out there named Giada who has taught me how to reconstitute dried figs. It’s not the same as fresh but it still beats a store bought cake mix.